ye shall be as pie
by summonershion69
Summary: Shion and KOSMOS visit the PacMan Bakery...Extreme Randomness, extreme OOC, and just plain insanity...


Namco owns most everything in this story...

Shion Uzuki nearly fell asleep as she walked back through the streets of Second Miltia after a hard day at work. She was in desperate need of sugar.

"KOS-MOS," Shion asked her android companion, "let me have another one of your pixie stix." Shion extended her hand out expecting sugary goodness, but instead KOS-MOS bite her hand.

"Woof woof!" KOS-MOS barked. Shion sighed. She really had to stop doing all of KOS-MOS' maintenance in the dead of night and get some sleep instead relying on caffeine and suger to keep her up. Whatever she thought taking another gulp of coffee. KOS-MOS grabbed the cup from Shion spilling the liquid down Shion's shirt.

"Hot!" Shion screamed dancing around like a lunatic. A random drunk who was enjoying the free show called to the couple.

"Damn right that blue- haired babe is damn sexy." Shion bent over to pour another cup of coffee she pulled out of nowhere on the man which had the opposite effect intended because the man got a great view of Shion's chest. KOS-MOS uprooted a fire hydrant and knocked the pervert over the head sending him into la-la land for a good year….

"That close encounter made me really tired. Carry me KOS-MOS." Shion ordered jumping onto the android back. Unfortunately, at the same moment, all the sugar KOS-MOS had ingested from pixie stix made it to her head and she started hopping like a bunny.

"The algorithms that I have been programmed with do not support the comprehension of logical human thought." KOS-MOS sang down the street. Shion quickly fell from her back and lay in a heap on the ground. KOS-MOS jumped on top of her flattening Shion. Another guy walked by with raised eyebrows.

"Get a room you two." he said snapping a picture as he went by. Shion pulled her self out and ran into an alley.

"Yes I found a treasure chest!" The rabid treasure chests bit Shion. "Damn I knew I shouldn't have taken off my glasses no matter how much hotter I look."

"Did someone say hot?" KOS-MOS said rubbing up against Shion.

"Pie is hot." Shion said. "I want pie!"

KOS-MOS checked her invisible but all carrying bag and pulled out a yellow pie with a slice missing. "I'm not eating that its 4000 years old." Shion said acting disgusting.

KOS-MOS threw the pie, which bounced off a building and hit Shion in the eye.

"That pie…I saw it in my dream…" Shion said tripping on a toaster. She landed on the doorstep of a triangle shaped building. She immediately pounded on the door. "Let me in I'm being chased by a rogue meteor." Shion pleaded. As if called from the heaven a meteor shower began denting KOS-MOS and once again flattening Shion. Yet another random man walked by and caught the rest of the meteors in a garbage bag. Shion throw the meteor at flowerbed that was innocently growing under a stoplight killing all the flowers.

"Don't get mad. Get glad," the man said before putting on a helmet and running into a wall at full force hoping to pass through. KOS-MOS began to purr.

"Shion I have been dented. I need to be fixed."

"Oh I'll fix you…" Shion said jumping on KOS-MOS with her legs around her waist. "Something smells good." Shion went back to pounding on the door,

"I don't like that door. It sux." KOS-MOS said firing her biggest laser gun at it, which had no effect because it was off.

"Hey KOSY you need to turn the gun on. Hell you turn me on all the time…"

KOS-MOS paused and attacked a knosis that had materialized behind them.

"What a random encounter that was." Shion said. She turned back to the door once again looking around for a puzzle that might need to be solved before they could progress.

"There are apples in there." KOS-MOS said pounding her head off the window. Apple graphics appeared in her eyes.

"Wait I know this one," said standing up straight and attacking serious. She closed her eyes and recited…. "Ye shall be as pie…" The door opened sucking the pair into a bakery lit with neon lights. Tables were set up and in them sat various types of food. All of which were eating white dots.

"What can I do for ya?" a pink ghost asked from behind the counter.

"I'll take 69 apple pies." Shion said walking past a strawberry and pretzel who were in a heated debate about flag poles.

"We don't serve pie. But can I offer you today's special…dots"

"I see pie right there." KOS-MOS said pointing to a pie on the counter.

"That's a display pie. It's not edible." Pinky warned, but Shion insisted upon eating it.

"Ouch you ghosts are horrible cooks. I'll stick to strawberries." She took a bite out of the strawberry and the number 567 appeared out of nowhere.

KOS-MOS yanked the pie from Shion and took a bite. Immediately KOS-MOS started running around chomping at imaginary dots.

"New high score…yes pretzel…nooooooooooooooo!" She ran straight into Blinky who came from the backroom carrying a fresh apple pie. KOS-MOS swiveled up, spun a couple of times and then faded a way. The words "Insert Quarters" popped up over Shion's head. Blinky dug through his pocket placing discarding what he wasn't looking for on a table. Shion stared wide eyed at an original copy of Final Fantasy 69. Blinky inserted quarters into mid air and KOS-MOS reappeared. She once again began her quest for a new high score, but ran straight into the door and was thrown back into Shion when the 4000-year-old pie from earlier now in full 3D burst in.

"Only Pac-man can eat dots!" He pulled a box of dots from his pocket and poured them down his throat. "This entire scene is copyright violations please stand down before I'm forced to eat you.'

"Actually not we're all creations of Namco!" Shion said as the Zohar fell from above and flatten her. Everyone joined hands and danced around Shion singing praise for Namco. A long cut-scene followed where they discussed the true meaning of bananas. Sometime later Shion and KOS-MOS left with the 69 pies they had ordered hand baked by Pac-man. They rode hover bikes the rest of the way to Shion's house. Once inside they dove under Shion's blankets and tore into the pies.

Later that day Jin walked by Shion's room and peered through a crack to see Shion and KOS-MOS fast asleep sprawled out between empty pie tins…


End file.
